DISCLAIMER: This is a free flowing story, meaning I just typed till it ended in about 8 breaths, its is not meant to be taken seriously, possibly it can be enjoyed. Some parts were based my life. But mostly just my imagination.
Winning at go really feels great.
I have been winning a lot recently, it motivates me to study to win more. Its a bit scary though...
Its an endless cycle, you study and get stronger, you win even more, study more. Next thing you know go has enveloped your life. You suddenly find yourself in Korea. You are eating and breathing the game. You are in bed with a lover, but secretly you close your eyes and imagine chasing an opponents ladder. You come back home to reality but only you don't. You fix your schedule around go. You spend your free time playing, your time at work sneaking to the bathroom to do tsumego. Your time at school is spent in a very similair way. You get stronger and stronger. Maybe you have no talent so this takes a long time, maybe you do and this takes no time at all. Than you lose a game, quickly you start a new one, and lose again. The losses pile up. Maybe not too high, only maybe 6 games, but you start to hate the game. You start to loathe the game. You start pulling at your hair, but find it is no longer there. Funny didn't you have hair when you started playing? Its too late now, you have nowhere to go. All you know is go. So, now even though you hate the game you keep playing. Its all you know. Sometimes you win a game, though you mostly just lose, and when you win you are reminded of the time when you were just getting the hang of the rules. Each game was more exciting the one before. With such a thought, if you are lucky that is, you close your eyes. You don't open them again.
